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Lawrence Lougheed


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Church Organist / Church Choir Jokes Needed
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Any good sources on the web for church organist and/or church choir jokes, humour.  I have my final rehearsal tonight for the current season, and need some material to entertain the troops.


Lawrence



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Temple Organist


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What's the difference between a church organist and a large pizza?

A large pizza will serve a family of four....

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D.N. Cohen United Hebrew Congregation, T957+MX-200
noel jones


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The organist's motto: Practise while he preaches!

What is the difference between an organist and a terrorist?
You can negotiate with a terrorist.

Fugue: There is an old saying that fugues are the type of music in which the voices come in one by one while the audience goes out one by one, but there is no statistical evidence to suport this; audiences have been known to leave in droves.


The Ten Commandments of Organ Practise

1. Thou shalt practise every day, even if only for a short period.
2. Thou shalt NEVER practise faster than thou canst play perfectly, for it is written: Perfect Practise Makes Perfect.
3. Thou shalt NOT put off working on the hard parts; David did not invite Goliath to come back after tea.
4. Thou shalt work out a usable fingering, inscribe it on thy papyrus and NEVER vary from same, for Fumble Fingers Find Fate Fickle.
5. Thou shalt never apologise for thy playing, nor say "Oops!" when thou makest a mistake, for thou wilt only draw attention to things which otherwise would never be noticed by the thick people.
6. Thou shalt practise each composition in short segments; that thy fingers may not break off more than thy mind can chew.
7. Thou shalt listen ... and not only to organists, for it is written: What this untidy world needs is fewer organists and more musicians who can play the organ
8. Thou shalt NOT play pedals without shoes ... for thy Odor-Eaters may be spent, and besides, it leads to sloppy playing.
9. Thou shalt begin and end each practise session with something thou canst play readily, that thou mayest not be discouraged.
10. Thou shalt always remember that thy practise is a labour of love and that by persistence (oft proved by thyself in other undertakings) thou canst bring to pass many wonders.

- with thanks to the TOSA news of New South Wales, Australia ....


How many organists does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. - One to change the bulb, and one to complain that the switch doesn't have any combination pistons.

Why doesn't heaven have a pipe organ?
Because they needed the keys in hell to make accordions.


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Lawrence Lougheed


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RE: Church Organist / Church Choir Jokes Needed
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I ended up using "Church Bulletin Bombs" found at:


http://www.wilk4.com/humor/humorc3.htm 


Between anthems, I would read a number, and believe it or not, by the end of the rehearsal I had made it through most of the 49 items.


The choir loved it.


Lawrence



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Monty Bennett


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A C Eb and a G walk into a bar, saddle up to the counter and try to place an order.  When the bartender sees them, he says, "Sorry, we don't serve minors in here..."


*Rimshot* 



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